59 Days To Go: My Team = Champions

Why, yes. Yes. That is a mug
covered in pictures of my fiance
dressed as a mad scientist.

Tonight I had a wedding logistics planning meeting with our WSMs and two other ensemble members: our decorations genius/designer, MQ, and our chuppah builder/production manager, RL.

I didn't take pictures tonight; I took notes. I took deep breaths. I did not for one moment take for granted how unbelievably fortunate I am to have friends like this in my life. Friends who don't think twice about going the extra mile for you; friends like family who see this event as a day of joy and commitment for them, too. It's nights like this that I feel shaky about leaving here. Leaving the friends that are family here.

But not living here full-time won't mean they aren't family anymore. That's not how family works. Family sticks, distance be damned.

Okay. I'm tired and quite literally about to fall asleep, and I'm babbling with my fingers now. I'm going to finish drinking my mug of Mexican Hot Chocolate out of my one-of-a-kind mug, and put myself to bed... and perhaps fall asleep to fewer stress dreams, thanks to the help of my friends. I'm confident my next update of #TheList will look healthy, and that, y'know, THE W WORD will actually happen and look pretty and it'll be because my team, in wedding planning and in life, is the best team.

Just Over 2 Months To Go: My Life Is A List

#TheList. It haunts me.

I've always been a list-maker, but now it's gone to the extreme. I said that this blog wouldn't be a "resource site," but I might share a clean version of my master list tomorrow in case it helps out any list-loving-but-logistics-hating folks of my ilk. Maybe it can help others, others like me who love a completed list like Cookie Monster loves a crazy big cookie.*

So.

Here's where I am with #TheList, AKA The List of What Needs To Be Done For This W-Word Thing To Happen (you can understand why I shortened it to #TheList).

Everything with a " ü "  - I've completed. Anything highlighted, I'm behind schedule on. Anything with that other weird symbol that keeps replacing my check-box icon is not yet done, but not yet overdue. I have my work cut out for me. (Also, I should note - I'm saying "I" and not "we" because while D does have a few assignments, since he's now several states away and starting an intense new job, this last couple of months of W-word planning is mostly coming down to me. On behalf of we. Luckily, I/we have an excellent on the ground AND distance cadre of people willing to help us/me get this done.)

Here's where we are:

The (Fun! Fabulous!) Off-Season

5 Month Wedding Planning Checklist

(Okay, yeah, so we've been engaged for more than 5 months - we decided to "just enjoy being engaged" for the first month or two - can't say I regret that... YET) 

5 Months Ahead

ü  Set a date – run it by important must-attend list (parents, besties) before locking it in!

ü  Book a venue for the service

ü  Book a venue for the reception (light two candles with one match and have both in the same place – BOOM – that’s our plan)

ü  Select officiant

ü  Determine a budget and how expenses will be shared

ü  Decide on a color scheme, if you’re having one

ü  Take engagement photos (and make them YOU)

ü  Guest List for Save-The-Date / the big invite

4 Months Ahead

ü  Send Save-The-Date

ü  Buy a dress (or whatever you’re planning to wear for the big day)

ü  Buy appropriate underwear (to go under said dress / whatever)

ü  Put together your ensemble (some people call them bridesmaids, groomsmen, that sort of thing, but we preferred the more-inclusive and theatrical “ensemble”)

ü  Hire a photographer

ü  Create wedding website

ü  Have some fun registering for stuff (and start looking around your place and deciding what you’re ready to donate or lovingly gift elsewhere)

ü  Start premarital counseling

3 Months Ahead

ü  Book reception entertainment

Hire a videographer – OR ASK A FRIEND!

ü  Do some tastings

ü  Hire a caterer

Book tables, chairs, linens, serving-ware, anything you may need (or make sure your venue has all of that covered
Order cake/groomscake

ü  Book rehearsal dinner location

ü  Choose ensemble attire (again, other people might call ‘em bridesmaid dresses and tuxes, but we’re going with “upscale techie”)

ü  Figure out flowers

ü  Order invitations

ü  Get hotel rooms blocked / hopefully with event discount!

ü  Contact venue to confirm timeline for day of rental

ü  Buy wedding bands

Start planning for honeymoon – making sure passports are up to date, that sort of thing…

2 Months Ahead

ü  Select and send invitations

      Draft service and program (including ensemble roles)

€       Meet with a financial planner to sort out financial plans/any merging

€       Meet with an insurance dude to figure out life insurance, discounts for auto, any policies and/or paperwork you need to plan on updating

€       Order wedding favors

€       Order Ketubah (if you’re getting married under a chuppah)

€       Send shot list / requests to photographers

€       Decorations meeting 

€       Have a tech meeting to go over set-up, sound system, etc.

1 Month Ahead

€       Arrange for time off work (wedding, at least; mini-moon/honeymoon?!)

€       Book hotel room for nights surrounding wedding, as needed (consult with family)

€       Purchase or procure accessories like guest book, aisle runner, etc.

€       Make appointment with stylist; do a test run of hair/makeup

€       Buy gifts for ensemble

ü  Get marriage license (30 days out) + any other tests or documents required by the state

€       Buy / create Jewish wedding kit (wine, glasses, glass for breaking, easel for Ketubah)

€       Harass anyone who hasn’t RSVP’d
     Send evite for rehearsal dinner

€       Finalize number of attendees and share info with rental folks, catering, etc.

2 Weeks Ahead

€       Check in with all vendors (caterer, photographer, videographer, entertainment, venue)

€       Plan seating arrangements, if you’re doing that (FYI, we’re not)

€       Test run with chuppah set-up

€       Finalize and print programs

€       Create cue list (order of how everything will go in the venue – service, cocktails, food…)

1 Week Ahead

€       Grocery shopping: put together an awesome snack basket for the ensemble

€       Mani and pedi (me)

€       Haircut (he)

€       Pack car with everything needed (that deserves its own list: dress, snacks, party favors, ketubah, wedding kit, toiletries, rings, license… yeah, seriously, make a separate list)

Day of the Show, Y’All

€       Evening before: Rehearsal

€       Evening before: Rehearsal dinner

€       Morning of: EAT FREAKIN’ BREAKFAST

€       Set up at venue with ensemble

€       Hair, makeup, costumes

€       Make sure stage managers have cue list

€       Eat, drink, and be married.

The good news is, two months out, while I am still behind... I'm not nearly as far behind as I was when I was three months out... it was frankly far too embarrassing at that point to share this list. Making progress, y'all.

*Yes. ANY EXCUSE FOR THAT GIF.

The Princess Wedding Dress I Bought on Ebay

Princess in the Front.

I bought a wedding dress.

But don't get too excited. It's not THE DRESS.

It's a beautiful dress. A total, 100% Princess Wedding Dress. I mean, if a big-eyed, rags-clad heroine with evil step-relations is told by her Fairy Godmother to close her eyes, and Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo, wand waves, sparks fly -- when the air clears and she opens her eyes, this is the sort of dress the newly-revealed princess-to-be is wearing.

I've been stalking wedding dresses on ebay for a few weeks now, not as a serious buyer, but just to see what's out there, what I like, and that sort of thing. But this baby caught my eye. She was elegant. She was new, with tags still attached. And somehow, her siren song missed most ears, and so amazingly, I bought her for $50 plus shipping.

I made the purchases for a few reasons, ranging from silly-but-understandable (this retailed for $750, was an overstock floor model never actually worn - did I mention I got it for $50, people!?) to dumb-and-admittedly-ridiculous (I've done nothing else, planning-wise, all month, and this somehow felt like, well, something)... but mostly, I bought it because I just needed to know.

Is this going to be me? Is this what I want? Am I going to be a princess bride?

That's what I would have wanted to be, ten years ago. (Closer to twenty years ago, I would have coveted a princess-y wedding dress like this, but only if the Prince Charming who would meet me at the end of the aisle was Dean Cain, specifically Dean Cain as Clark Kent/Superman, since all other boys were still gross.) A beautiful, glamorous girl, transformed and almost unrecognizable in my resplendent royal white gown.

(Elegant Bridal) Party
in the Back.

The dress is chiffon, and has the sort of train that requires attendants, or at least solid arrangement and a reliable floor to drag it across; it even has a dainty little wrist strap, so the wearer can hold up the train when it can no longer be safely dragged.

When it arrived, the box was heavier than I had expected it to be. I tried it on, all by myself. Somehow it was even heavier out of the box, weighed down with layers and detailing... and, if you'll forgive me a little purple prose spilled across the pure white dress, it also shuddered with the weight of dreams and expectations now expired.

The dress is beautiful. But it isn't me.

Some part of me already knew it wouldn't be. But I had to buy it; I had to really and truly know.

Don't worry, Mom: I'm not really going to buy a dress on eBay, sight unseen, to just rip off the band-aid, forego the Ritual of Dress Shopping, and have done with it.  We can go and try on dresses. But when we do, I'm pretty sure I won't be trying on a lot of big, poofy princess dresses. They're lovely. But they're not what I want anymore, just like I don't want red roses or Fairy Godmothers or Dean Cain.

I want something that feels like me. The best, most beautiful, polished-and-shined me, of course - but me. Not some pining princess, at last saved by the arrival of magical helpers who make everything a picture-perfect fantasy. All grown up, I'm the sort of girl who prefers the cupcake to the frosting. I don't like it when things are too sugar-y, too pretty to be believed. I didn't outgrow my old dreams. I grew into goals and a life that I find even more appealing.

So the dress is back on eBay. Hopefully, I'll get at least some of my money back on it, which I'll squirrel away for when I find THE DRESS, and maybe in the meantime I'll get to make some other couple happy when they score the princess dress of their dreams.

Want to hear something funny? Can't make this stuff up: the current high bidder's user name is MrSappy####. 

I KID YOU NOT.

(PS I know, I know, I should never refer to anything as Princess Bride without referring to the movie. I promise an overt reference to TPB in a later post, to make up for it.)

I'm Savin' Up For Some Therapy!

My friend and former roommate Brent bought me this little piggy bank awhile back:

Pyromaniac Patsy here should probably go
ahead and ask her parents for therapy-money

I think he bought it for me because when we lived together, he used to do things like tuck creepy faceless mannequins into my bed (WEARING MY CLOTHES) and carefully place a life-sized Yoda for me to find when I stepped naked into the shower (THE LITTLE PERV HAD HIS HANDS OUTSTRETCHED REACHING FOR ME). I'm pretty sure his entire goal as my roommate was to get me to scream. And then when we were no longer living together, and he was no longer constantly distracted by waiting to hear me wail, he had time to reflect and felt bad and bought me this as some sort of strange apology.

Anyway. I'm pretty much over the scarring episodes of mannequins and Jedi masters taking me by surprise. But I think it's time to start dropping pennies into the little yellow tin again, because W-WORD nightmares have started jolting me from my slumber (think The Actor's Nightmare, but, like, instead of not knowing your lines, you're getting left at the aisle, or you forgot to invite your best friend to the big day, or you yourself sleep through the whole damn thing). I can tell you why the nightmares have begun. It's because venue-selection needs to happen, like, now. And we should probably decide on our wedding party members. And get some engagement photos taken, and send out save-the-dates. And W-WORD planning aside, I'm behind on a major writing project, swamped with client work, and starting to foresee mini-panic attacks.

Therapy's expensive, though. So now that I'm back in town (did I mention I've also crossed state lines pretty much every other week for the past three months?) I'm gonna make a bigger effort to vent here, frequently. As needed. So that the writing can be my therapy. And the pennies can go toward paying for things like rings. A venue. Food. Photos. Invitations. Dress.

And, like, paper bags to breathe into...

THE W-WORD: Optional?! (Don't Worry, Parents, We're Not Eloping)

My good friend Scott just told me about some friends of his who decided not to call their big day a wedding, but instead avoided THE W WORD altogether by inviting friends and family to join them in celebrating THE FIRST DAY OF THEIR MARRIAGE.

YES!

So. Brilliant.

(Especially as stress around THE W WORD is starting to trickle in a bit, I'm, like, totally head over heels for this idea. I mean, we'll see. But good God, that sounds healthy. It's not about a one-day-W-word. It's about every freakin' day, for keepsies.)